JAPZ's sad goodbye to a friend...

It's been 7 days since i last partied... the first few days were tough since i have been craving for booze, loud music and good company... but things are better for me... i realized that in the company of myself, i do not need to force a smile, fake a laughter or pretend i am happy. I have decided to detach myself from everything that has been consisting my monotonous life so i could figure out what i really want. It's all about knowing what would really make you happy, right? Being in the company of myself and some close friends is therapeutic - they remind me, without them knowing it, of the days when i prayed and dreamed for a better life. And now, more than ever, i desire to leave the country and find fortune somewhere else... silently, i pray this desire be granted.

(I miss a few of my acquaintances, though, from everywhere.... I hope they understand why i have to do this...)

"Now it seems to me some fine things have been laid upon your table, but you only want the ones you can't get." Japinoy, you ain't gettin no younger, Your pain and your hunger, they're driving you home, and freedom, oh freedom...well, that's just some people talkin.Your prison is walking through this world all alone."

It is when we are in great need that we discover who our real friends are... sadly for me, nobody even noticed i was in need of one.

"Nothing seems to be the way that it used to. Everything seems shallow, God, give me truth in me and tell me somebody's watching over me. That is all I'm praying... Someday, I will understand, in God's whole plan, what He does to me... and maybe someday i will breathe, and i will finally see... see it all..."

How do you pick yourself up from the pit of failed dreams and dissatisfaction? Sure, the loud music and endless grooving helps - but i'm getting tired of partying and the more crowded the club gets, the more alone and empty i feel. what is this void that consumes my passionate soul? i fear, that sooner or later, i will become just like anybody else: bored, miserable and alone!

I will not be the victim of my own weakness nor will i allow myself to be corrupted by my own strengths... Goddess, help me. I have become the very person I was trying not to be. Take this shadow that darkens my view and let me see the light that once guided my path...